so these feelings continue to intoxicate my soul and drag me down.  although i have everything i feel i need in this lifetime i feel empty. something continues to drag the energy straight from me. do you feel as if you can relate to the emotions that are running through me? my history continues to haunt me every day as well as the night. i cover these hauntings with a lid and try to show that my history means nothing to me. only the closest people know how i truly feel. the group i refer to as the "trouble triangle" continues to impact my life even though i've distanced myself from them lately. some people can escape these demons that continue to haunt them ... . . . i continue to suffer. even though i always have someone around me .. . i continue to feel alone. like i'm drowning in this endless black hole .. everyone is watching me fall .. .. . they're holding their hands out to save me .. . i try to grab them but just keep falling ..and falling. the trouble triangle has left my heart completely tattered  .. . . i may never find someone to cure this loneliness. . chade told me having feelings will only fuck things up more .. . .he couldn't be more right ..my mind state is more then fucked. no one can save me ..no one.. . . i'll continue to live life alone.